|
Cat Journal (This book belongs to Carole Soucie. It was a graduation gift from my teacher, my friend, Mary Sirois.)
I wish the whole world could live like I do; a great home, a cat, loving parents. Violence in other nations will destroy us all. It is a shame to turn on the national news and hear of war in other countries. In the meantime, here in Maine we are happy to have a new road opens. We celebrate our independence every year in America, but we always overlook the other. So many people, so little space. I think that there is a lot of space we have not yet found. We need only to open out eyes, minds, and hearts and we can develop another frontier. All should be quiet, each front should rest.
|
|
| Outside here in my yard, beautiful flowers grow tall.
But miles away, across the sea, a man with a gun shoots to kill. Peace
is so hard to accomplish, it seems, this man is crushing little one’s
dreams. With each cartridge he spends, several angels are born. I will
need one as much as the next, for I too will mourn their loss.
|
|
|
Sunday, Feb. 4, 1996
Probably I’ll start with the average topic of every college student: Love. It sucks. Even if you do find it. I mean, really so you and this significant other have found happiness together--What does it mean in the long run. Nothing --you’ll still die, w/ or w/out them. added in ink: I was so dumb last year, wasn’t I?
|
|
|
Icicles dripping across a tinted sky, pointing from heaven down to hell. Earth, us people and innocence caught in this war.
|
|
| I read these pages, but my mind is reading w/ something
totally different from the scenes presented before me.
|
|
|
“Seek solace in a bottle, or possibly a friend.”
Sure, nice way to look at my pain, thru a can of Bud Light, or that illuminated green stuff in the J & D bottle. That always brings me “closer to fine.” When I drown myself in insanity called alcohol--just like my big brother. He goes to meetings and says he’s wrong and sorry, but it’s all lies and it comes right out of the air at time. He pulls the bs and places it in front of our eyes all the time--and we always eat it up. Why?
|
|
|
Taking deep breaths, feeling sharp pains, wanting to have something between my hands, appreciation, is pain I feel like it has been taken away, all chance for my true, elite, happiness was never here, completely misguided.
|
My best friend, my one true love. I feel happy always with you, but pain because I know that will never be.
|
|
Fall, 1996
Sometimes I see him and my heart jumps, then I may brush up against him, and the great sigh slips from my mouth. The I might just feel disgusted that I can’t let go, and everyday I wonder if I’ll see him again, or how long it will be till he calls when he says he will. And how may times will he skip class just to sit w/ me and talk. and how many classes will I skip just to see him play.
|
He’s always playing w/ me. My heart and I don’t even feel it, My mind and I don’t even know it. Before my eyes but do I really see it.
Trying to tell myself that I stood up to him and I didn’t back down knowing he still pulls me like he’s the moon and I’m the sea.
|
|
All summer I said good bye hoping to hear someone say “No, don’t go.” Even if it was said, I’d think it was a lie. B/c always I feel cheated, and want to pick a fight or throw as party, or go to war. Every night I’d write down some spiteful little diddy, not showing anyone, but unconsciously hoping it would be found.
|
|